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Low Sex Drive

    Imagine the situation. You are a 32 yo married man and want to sort your sex life out. You wife says that she would rather read a book than have sex. Massage, romance, flowers, patience, more patience even more patience and still no sex. And farther goes : "Help, I love sex, I am not a perv, I am not a weirdo, I just want to enjoy an active sex life.I have always enjoyed a good sex life(wild at times) but I cant understand why she has no interest at all in sex.I have been through all the stress and the outside factor thing and still she would rather read a book. No probs with expanding intellect but i really am feeling the frustration. Thing is , if I wander, I become the predatory sex idiot. I don't want that. I just want to have good, enjoyable and FUN sex. Should i wander just for sex and give up the rest of the marriage or WHAT? Now after three years,together she wont even touch my bits . She says theat it is too big. Most men should be proud but I think its a problem for her. I love her to bits and just want to have a good sex life with her."
    For what it is worth I think that in this position I would have to wait until the mood was right and then sit down and tell her exactly how you feel. She may think that you too would rather read a book than have sex. She may not realise just how important it is to you. Without putting her under pressure, she needs to understand your true feelings, but make it clear that despite feeling so strongly about this you do not want to cheat on her.
Is it possible that there is some medical reason that she doesn't enjoy sex? Does it cause her pain? If so maybe she could consult her doctor. I think you have to find the true reason why she doesn't want to have sex before you can start to work on resolving the problem.
    It could be down to a past [bad] experience with an ex, or even with yourself... a passionate moment where she wasn't quite ready/excited enough that was uncomfortable. You don't mention your ages; it could be "the change," HRT replacement might be an option, or if the problem is the lack of natural lubrication having made things uncomfortable then a lubricant substitute such as KY; or something like vaginaitus (I know that's spelt wrong, and may even be the wrong word) where the female vagina goes into spasums during penetration. Often this happens early on in a relationship and/or when a person is a virgin. It can also be caused at other times due to emotional problems etc. The spasums themselves are very painful even without penetration, so usually prevent penetration in that the walls and opening to the vagina clamp up to such a point that its impossible. The above is usually brought on by an emotional factor, such as the fear of loosing the virginity, or some other past/present event.
    There are so many possible factors that it would be impossible to has at a guess to the cause, especially if you did previously have a good sex life. Work stress, money worries, etc. can all play a part. Even something such as un-diagnosed diabetes can leave someone feeling run down. Depression is another possible factor.
    Before going outside the marriage vows definitely see your doctor yourself to discuss this further and/or discuss this with your partner. There are occasions where people do have different sex drives, and I know one couple personally where he "plays away" with her concent due to her depression (manic or as the americans say bi-pola which even with drugs can be hard to manage) which although they have a good life together and a loving relationship means she hates sex because she is so un-responsive.
    Counciling and mediation are also possibilities. If all else fails and she is un-willing to allow you to play away, then make the decision to play away, or to call things within your present relationship to an end.

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